How To Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) awareness and development in an individual, team, and organization increase performance, decision making, engagement, and a sense of well-being. All of these attributes add up to increased ability and capacity in leadership.
EI requires the competency, ability, and practice of reading and understanding yourself in the context of reading and understanding others in a social or work environment. Sound simple? This is tough stuff! Achieving a level of EI that matters in work and social context is done through being vulnerable, asking for feedback from those who have gone before you on a similar journey, and no longer being a legend in your own mind (starts on the bottom of page 22 section 6).
Developing EI is a multidimensional effort. Monitoring your emotions as an information guide to your thinking is not a practiced competency, unfortunately, in many families. Hence, we enter the workforce with one perspective—our own!
Over the lifetimes of organizations, many still have deep roots, perhaps unconsciously, in a mechanistic environment, rather than a humanistic one. These roots might translate into a low organizational EI coupled with an undeveloped EI for those in leadership roles. Gaining a competitive advantage requires employees who adapt to changing environments.
Our brains and bodies have a rational and emotional side. Overplaying of one or the other inhibits the ability to lead and constrains a team. Awareness followed by knowing when to shift from rational to emotional, and vice versa needs to be followed with appropriate action.
Self-actualization is one of my favorite sub-scales of EI. More than a couple of adverse circumstances growing up taught me that I needed to figure out who I was, understand my potential, and never stop personal growth and discovery. The world is vast, diverse, and complicated, and each of us can be an offer somewhere, doing what we love, using our gifts and talents all the time.
Independence is necessary, too, because of the ability to self-direct and be self-reliant in making plans. Independence partners well with self-actualization in advancing your potential into action free from the emotional dependency of others. Consulting with others is an important leadership trait, yet only one person stands on your two legs and moves forward.
Empathy and interpersonal relationships are essential. Understanding the perspectives of others can be a balance of too much independence because it is building relationships that matter in collaboration, coordination, and action. Effective leaders authentically express curiosity and inquiry into the perspective making of self and others for the sake of the organization’s purpose. And, of course, being a leader requires relationships with people who follow you because of the self that you are, rather than your title. Seeking to know perspectives of others is an innate gift for some and trainable in all.
The good news is EI evolves. With intentional practice and feedback, we have seen clients shift the EI up to 18 points in six months.
What is your EI? High-quality assessments are available. A caution, though: seek support from a certified professional who can help you increase EI in your social and work domains.
Deedee Myers
PhD., MSC, PCC
